Letting You Go
by PolkadotSunstar
Summary: Prequel to Then I Did and Some Things I Know. Slash, Freddy/Zack. Zack tells Freddy to follow his dreams, and lets him walk out of his life. They both have problems dealing with it and Zack winds up with kids to care for and a father in prison. R&R!


**Author's Note: This is the prequel to Then I Did and Some Things I Know. This first chapter is in Zack's point of view, it will probably change back and forth between the two and this will pretty much lead all the way up to where Then I Did started so it will be quite a few chapters, I hope.**

**Anyway, I hope you like it!**

**Disclaimer: All I own is the plot, and Mike and Amanda later on in the story.**

**Warning: Slash, angst, language, and deals with a bit of abuse. You have been warned.**

--

"I think you should take it."

And that was that, just a few words and I knew I couldn't turn away, I knew I couldn't take them back.

--

He's always wanted this, he's always wanted to be an artist and he's _good_ at it. Who would I be to take that away from him? Even though I would give anything for him to stay with me forever.

I don't want him to take it; I don't want him moving half way across the country. I don't want to never see him again. But I can't tell him that. I can't beg him to stay. I can't make him give up his dreams for _me_.

I sat in my room and stared at the wall blankly, knees pulled up to my chest, tucked under my chin, hair falling in front of my eyes.

I felt the tears prick at my eyes and begin to sting as I thought of his smile and his laugh and the look he got on his face when he was confused. I thought of the times we spent skipping school and just riding around town, talking, about anything.

A few tears began to leak out and I sniffed, brushing my hand up against my cheek, sighing and closing my eyes, pressing myself against the wall.

"Don't go, Freddy," I whispered to the empty room, not caring that no one could hear me, that I was talking to myself, "_please_ don't go Freddy."

--

As the night wore on, I didn't move from my room, didn't go down for dinner, blocked out my dad's screaming and prayed that for one night he would just let me be.

Wishful thinking I guess.

My door was shoved open and I glanced up, my dad's face red with anger. I didn't move, didn't speak, knowing it would only make things worse.

He stalked over, his breath reeking of alcohol, his face unshaven, hair sticking up in all directions, shirt sloppily buttoned.

He grabbed the collar of my t-shirt, yanking me forward, his breath washing over my face as I winced and closed my eyes, holding my breath, waiting for the blows to start.

I blocked everything out, feeling numb, not even caring that his fists were everywhere, bruising bones, causing blood to flow freely from my mouth and nose, my eye swelling shut.

I didn't really notice it start, didn't realize when it ended.

I didn't remember being on the verge of consciousness, didn't remember my mom helping me to bed, tears streaming down her face, tucking me in, kissing my forehead, brushing my hair away from my eyes, telling me she loved me and saying she was sorry.

I didn't remember passing out.

And I didn't realize all of what had happened until I woke up in the morning, aching all over, dried blood caked on my face and on my shirt, my muscles straining, and I looked in the mirror, running my fingers gently over my black eye, wincing slightly in pain.

I sighed and opened my door quietly to not disturb my dad.

I took a shower and slowly moved about, my body protesting as I got ready for class.

Only one more year after this one, and I'm done with college, I'll be teaching somewhere, away from my dad, away from this house.

Only one more year and I'll be out.

In one more year I'll be all alone. Freddy will have gone by then and then what will I be?

What's the point of going on without him by my side?

Did I just chase my best friend out of my life by telling him to take his dream job, did I cause myself to lose the only person I could ever fall in love with and dream of raising kids with and spending the rest of my life with?

Did I just ruin everything?

Maybe it's for the best.

Or maybe it was the stupidest decision of my life.

I sighed rubbing my eyes, swallowing the lump in my throat and taking a shaky breath, closing the door to the house quietly, and starting the two-mile walk to school.

--

**Author's Note: I hope everyone liked the first chapter, please review and tell me what you thought of it, and I'll try to update this and Some Things I Know as soon as possible!**

**Review!**


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